Legacy - Part 1: Avoiding It

What do you want your legacy to be?

I've heard this question asked a number of times. How do you want to be remembered? What will your obituary say? I'm sure you've heard them. Well, I for one have soundly ignored those questions and not thought about them. Intentionally not thought about them in fact. Avoided it really.

So here is me finally not avoiding the topic. Maybe I'll learn something.

Now, to give you an idea of my process I usually don't know what I am completely going to say when I sit down to write a post, and today I have no idea. This is an adventure. :D

Let me start by listing reasons I avoided this up to now.

1. It's complicated. I mean, there are a lot of different perspectives. My role as a father by my kids. My role as a husband by my wife. My professional role by my colleagues and wider society. I might end up with a simple answer, but I have to work through a lot. I'm not going to just jump to something trite like "he loved much" or something.
2. Analyzing something like this means that I presumably will then know the answer to the question... Duh, but that means that I might have to do something about it. That means changing my life in one or more ways. So I have been afraid.
3. There has been a bit of "I'm too young to be worrying about that kind of thing" sprinkled in there too, but I'm turning 30 in a few months, and while that is far from old I am not a kid anymore. So it's harder to use that excuse.

I have been realizing that I am reaching a new period of my life.

1. Awareness: I have come to know G-d and what what I want to do (kinda)
2. Learning: I have learned theology. I have learned my craft.
3. Action: I have served and been acted on my theological understanding. I have developed my career.

I have been feeling stuck here though. Like I am hitting a wall. The new period of my life that I am entering into now is a journey inward. Developing a real mature understanding of myself. Understanding MY relationship with G-d. Not just a generic "what it means to be a Christian" or something. Understanding how I am best able to be a husband, father, and engineer.

I can't embrace this new journey and avoid answering the question of legacy. Not anymore... Well, I can, but only until tomorrow.