The Judgement of Paris

On 24 May 1976, Steven Spurrier, a British wine merchant held a competition in Paris. It was a blind wine tasting. It set the best wines of France against some wines that Spurrier had recently gotten from California.

Up to this point it was common knowledge that France's wines were the best. In fact Spurrier had a hard time getting any members of the press to attend the tasting because it was obviously not going to be news worthy. He wasn't expecting it to be a real competition either, he was just trying to build some publicity for his business. He didn't even sell any California wines.

The judging panel was a who's who of refined pallets. It wasn't news, but it was free wine. The blind wine tasting went ahead as planned, but as you might have guessed it didn't go as expected.

The California wines won all categories. It shook the wine world. No one had imagined leading up to this that France could be beat.

But France lost.

When I say it shook the wine world it really did. As a result the world wide wine industry exploded. Vineyards opened up all over. The idea that anyone could, without French soil, produce world class wines opened the industry up. Additionally, the French became a lot more open to talking to foriegn wine makers. So as a result both the French and California wines got better because of the sharing of ideas.

What changed?

Nothing.

Nothing, but the realization that good wine COULD be made. No new processes were developed. No new resources were discovered. Just the knowledge that it could be done.

Just knowing that it can be done is enough. Often though, we "know" things without actually KNOWING them.

What would you do if you realized it could be done?

Consistency and Correctness - Part 2

It has been a crazy week, and unfortunately I have been unavoidably out of pocket quite a bit. So now we can get to the follow up that I was planning exactly a week ago now.

So the four types of of opinions/arguments that you can come across:

1. Incorrect and Inconsistent: This comes from someone who hasn't put any real thought into their opinions. They spout one liners they have heard from the news or literally bumper stickers with no real justification and little understanding. People in this category can embrace glaringly inconsistent positions without it phasing them in the slightest. In this situation, not only are they shallow in their understanding, but they are wrong. So their what AND why's are dumb.
2. Correct and Inconsistent: While this category may be ostensibly correct I think it is possibly the worst group. They are correct, which is great, but they have no idea why, and they make people who actually get the why look bad. I have no respect for opinions that are shallow even if they are right.
3. Correct and Consistent: This is the best kind. The position is right, like in the last, but the opinion is thought out and consistent. The person has gone through a process to understand the ramifications of their underlying assumptions and carried them through to get to their final conclusions. To be fair, it takes a lot of work to do this. It takes time and thought and discussion and argument. It is why when I see someone who has taken the time to really work through a subject well I have a lot of respect for their position.
4. Incorrect and Consistent: This one, while being wrong, is the second best in my opinion. Despite being wrong I still have a lot of respect for the position. The intention and thought to be consistent is worthy of respect regardless. Another aspect of this is honesty. I have seen many people who are very intelligent and well researched in a subject be terribly inconsistent due to their inability to be honest about their opinions. So regardless of the base assumptions, no matter how wrong, I can respect the intellectual honesty to be up front and transparent. And then fight them to the death.

I have a number of opinions that are in category 3 that I have spent a lot of time developing. I have a decent number in category 2 though. The goal here is to not hold those position very strongly in case it isn't a category 2, but a category 1. Hopefully I don't have any category 4s.

My goal is to get as many of my opinions to be correct and consistent as much as possible.

The Maturity of Imperfection

I almost gave up on this post, because I was struggling to find the perfect words.

I told Mark he'd just have to write... until he mentioned that I probably shouldn't give up on a post about accepting imperfection in the pursuit of actually getting things done.

Touche.

Obviously, I had to finish at that point. So, here are my imperfect words on the maturity of imperfection.

I never would have made the connection of maturity and imperfection. After all, shouldn't we always strive to do our best? Wouldn't that mean reaching perfection in a certain pursuit.

If we are talking about living a Godly life, I suppose so. There is a definition of perfection in that sense even if it is unobtainable , but in a lot of things perfection isn't even something one could describe.

I am a perfectionist, and that has lead me to giving up a lot. I can not do something perfectly so I either don't try, I try and give up as mistakes happen, or I finish and hide a project when the glaring flaws outshine the joy of completion.

In the book The Nesting Place Myquillyn Smith challenges us to be mature, and get-er dun already.

She argues it is far more mature, and worthwhile, to get the projects done imperfectly then to simply leave them undone til the magical time of unicorns flying, stars aligning, and budgets cooperating so something can be done perfectly. (Very much not her exact words).

It is because of my perfectionist tendencies that my ugly white walls sit fully bare. As an artist I have nothing artistic in my home... at all. 

It is because of my perfectionist tendencies (and a ridiculously tight budget) that our family room sat unfurnished for 9 months. As someone who feels very strongly about welcoming people into our home, being hospitable, and living life with friends I did not have seats to offer. 

It is because of my perfectionist tendencies that that massive canvas sits unpainted. I am an artist who can't figure out the "perfect" piece of art for our stupid bare walls, and so I don't even try. 

The list could go on and on. I can blame a lot of things. This is our 6th home in 8 years, I am tired of making rentals homey. Plain tired. With three little kids, I am busy and also the toddler tends to takes it upon herself to "help".

Honestly though, it is because I am not mature enough to get her done even if it can't be exactly like I want. So, I throw my little hissy fit (always internally, right Mark?) and never do it. I stare at blank walls, leave cook book ideas untouched in google docs, and neglect my blog (Worth Cooking).

All this because, I am too immature to accept imperfection. Though, maybe that is changing because I WROTE THIS DANG (imperfect) BLOG POST (Mark, take note.)

The Cloud Factory and a Solid Knowledge Base

The other day Christopher saw a cloud factory.

Our kids LOVE how it's made videos. We watch wax turn into crayons, machines turn copious amounts of flour into copious amounts of bread, and bees turn nectar into honey. The conclusion that the building huffing white puffiness into a cloud filled sky was a cloud factory was not at all insensible.

"That's where clouds are made!"

It was not a dumb interpretation, and we got a chuckle, but it was quite wrong. What was missing? Knowledge. His understanding of natural vs. manufactured (and obviously the water cycle, though we've studied it) is rather lacking. Which is fine, he's a little kid. But as we were talking about homeschooling at the time it lead to a discussion about a knowledge base.

I have heard that education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire. I humbly submit, it is both.

Intelligent observations, without a solid knowledge base, will lead to finding lots of cloud factories. Meaning, what good is the ability to think through things and come to conclusions if it starts from a point of ignorance?

I have seen educational models that heavily rely on one or the other. The recitation of facts with the absence of wisdom training. Or, the recitation of facts almost being demonized as an unnecessary waste of time. I do not know exactly what the balance is, but I feel that knowledge with out wisdom and visa versa makes for very unbalanced trains of thoughts.

I guess you can say one of our homeschool goals is for our children to find less and less cloud factories as they grow.

Intentional Food Budget

For the last few years our food budget has centered more around what our daughter could eat than around what we could reasonably spend. When we went on GAPS specifically it got a little wild trying to stretch our income around those dietary restrictions.

The many hours of overtime Mark needed to work, and me trying to fit working from home (covering a good part of our gigantic food budget), homeschooling, and GAPS while struggling with health issues lead to a LOT of stress and guilt.

However, time after time I got confirmation that it was what we needed to be doing. Both in praying, and seeing my little girl flourish. When the alternative was for her to keep reacting to new food, to break out in eczema, have sleep issues, etc. how could I not do what I knew needed to be done?

She is doing worlds better and we are no longer on GAPS. Honestly, we stopped a little sooner than we should have. But, it was no longer as important as it needed to be for the focus and finances it took.

I no longer feel guilty about the time and money we spent on GAPS, because we were able to make it work (even if barely) and it helped our little girl so.

This past week though, I was extremely convicted on how high our food budget still was. We had taken it down to 600 what it was at the heights of GAPS. Still, we could barely afford what we were spending. Mark is no longer working insane amounts of overtime, and I stopped doing freelance work months ago.

It was time to reevaluate!

Back before all of this dietary stuff happened, and we were paying over 1/3 of our smallish take home income on debt, we were spending $160/mo on food. I KNOW that can not happen again. If nothing else (allergies and more mouths to feed for example), food costs have gone up since then considerably.

Almost ten times that  (1400) , as it sometimes was on GAPS, obviously isn't happening either!!!!!!!!! I truly hope we never need to spend that much on food in a month. Ever. Again.

EVER. AGAIN.

But, like I said. I am at peace with how much we spent on food because it was important and we found a way to make it work.

We are going for 500, and if I can swing it 400. I am nervous how that will work with lingering dietary restrictions. But, 500 means we are actually making decent progress on debt and even if there isn't overtime we can buy the occasional non-food related thing. 400 means we are making greater progress, but I don't know yet if it would be doable in this season.

Consistency and Correctness

When I am participating or observing a philosophical discussion, whether it be about religion or politics or science there are two measurements that I have come to use in regards to evaluating the participants positions.

The first is correctness. Do I think they are correct. Usually this is a measure of how much they agree with me, but not always. How else do you change your mind? Usually the more they agree with me the less interested I am in discussing the topic at hand because it becomes boring. An echo chamber is nice to a point, but eventually I want to hear something different.

The second is consistency. Are there arguments consistent and well thought out. This really is the messier of the two, and the one where the most people fall off the wagon so to speak. It's easy to hold an opinion. And it's easy to talk about that opinion for the thirty seconds or so required to burn through a half dozen bumper sticker slogans. Well thought out and internally consistent opinions are a little more rare.

So all together there are four classifications of opinions/arguments.

1. Correct and consistent
2. Incorrect and consistent
3. Correct and inconsistent
4. Incorrect and inconsistent

I think I'm going to talk about them in more detail tomorrow. It is late.

Prayer Requests

If you happen to go to a prayer meeting at your local church, chances are it will be one of two things. Either it will be a mini version of a Sunday morning service and not a real prayer meeting at all, or it will involve 50 minutes of church sanctioned gossip followed by 10 minutes of hurried prayer. The prayer being little more than a condensed recitation of the previously mentioned prayer requests filled with "G-d be withs" and "G-d helps".

Reading through the new testament, especially the letters gives a certain perspective on prayer that differs from this standard litany. Paul doesn't say he is praying for Matilda's bad knee, or Bob's sister's coworker's cousin's drinking problem. From what I see about half of his prayers are glorifying G-d and the other half are praying that the churches would be filled with the various fruits of the Spirit.

I've been thinking about this and I don't think that it is an issue of him not caring about the smaller mundane things, but more the fact that he was writing a letter that was limited in length and so he focused on what was important.

This makes me wonder about the content of the aforementioned prayer meetings. I don't think we should ignore all the prayer requests for aches and pains. I mean, Jesus spent a lot of His time healing those things. But when all we pray about is "give me this or that thing" and not seeking a deeper walk with G-d through glorifying Him or seeking greater intimacy I think we are doing it wrong.

Focus on Him, and I bet the odds and ends will work themselves out a lot more than we expect.

A Small Thing

Today we are being intentional in fellowship with friends. We are setting up a game of Catan. But, so far we have only missed two days on this blog, and I don't really want to miss today!

Thus, a very short post today.

One of the coolest thing I think about us being intentional about life, with the overarching goal to write daily, has been seeing how it can challenge us. We are entering our 9th year of marriage. There are lots of things we know we should do for a great marriage. As we grow and mature together, we have learned a lot. One thing we are really not very good at, is the little things.

Sure, we can both make gallant efforts in impressing and forgiving each other. We can dream big, and talk big. But, honestly it is often in the little things that life is made or broken.

All this to say, we are thinking of little things we want to do different in our 9th year of marriage. So far our biggest "little" thing has been that we aren't going to eat on the couch.

We usually do post-bedtime-dinner-dates while playing a game or watching a movie. The other day though, we took the time to eat and talk before anything else. It turned a nice little time together into a far more productive, if one can call a couple relaxing together that, evening.

By deciding we are not eating on the couch, we can be more intentional about when we eat (and how much we appreciate what we are eating) and also get far more out of our post-bedtime-dates.

It's a little thing, but so far it has had a big impact.

There are a few other things I want to be more intentional about (some bigger, some small like this one) but so far that is the one we have started. 

Marriage Learnings

To be a little more serious, here are a few things that I have learned over the past 8 years.


1. To enjoy washing dishes. When we first got married I hated doing dishes. Admittedly I often had a pretty bad attitude about it. Over time that changed and now I kinda enjoy it. It is a systematic thing I can do. It is relaxing. I know where everything goes. There is a clear end point. And Debra is always happy at the end. I honestly can almost unwind doing them.

2. How to be a little less selfish. I never considered myself a selfish person up until I got married. Almost overnight, once I actually had to manage life with another person, I realized there was a lot of selfishness I had never noticed. Having kids brought on another wave of "oh man, I am selfish". I still notice it a bit here and there, but I am a lot better than I used to be.

3. How to trust G-d more. This one has been tough, but having a family really points out how little control you have over other people and the world at large. I try to take care of them all, but there is a distinct limit to my ability, and it isn't big, to take care of my family. There are a lot of things I just can't do. At that point I have to trust that G-d will cover what I can't. And He really has. It's not been easy, but He has come through in some amazing ways over the years.

4. Bonus: How to move through a house like a ninja. This one comes from having kids. Little ones. Little ones who are hard to get down for bed. You rock and cajole, and sing, and hum, and everything else you can think of and it finally works. They finally are asleep. But then... on your way out the door you step on that one squeaky spot in the floor and "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Start over. After a while you learn every creak and squeak from the kids bed to half way across the house. You know you have to take a big step to just to the left of the door then lean on the dresser to balance as you avoid that other spot and then stay on the left side of the hall until the bathroom door then the right. Aw yeah. Mad skills bro.

That's all I have learned. Nothing else.

The One Crucial Thing They Don't Discuss in Premarital Counseling

Like most Christian couples Mark and I took premarital counseling. The idea was to help us prepare for marriage. I would like to go on record saying, while it helped with somethings and I definitely think it was a smart thing to do it really didn't help much in ONE CRUCIAL AREA.

Sure, it might have had us discuss important topics such as beliefs, convictions on kids, parenting, etc. But, there was one thing it truly left untouched. Something that the even the several wise couples who spoke and advised us didn't discuss. Something we were fully and completely,  at our ignorant ages of 21 and 18, FULLY unprepared for.

The one crucial area? Sleeping together.

Just to clarify, I am talking about the sleeping part of sleeping together. We talked about the far more fun side of the marriage bed. Just not the act of the 8 recommended hours of zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Given that neither of us had really shared beds with people much beforehand made the ignorance all the more accute. As a single lady, sleeping involved laying down and getting in blankets. Occasionally a younger sibling might snuggle with me, but largely it was simple, even it boring. 

Forget asking young couples what their expectations on dealing with conflict are, ask them "do you prefer firm or soft mattresses?" Because, they might not think of that one themselves. It just might be that after almost 8 years of marriage they might have to throw away their mattress and use the guest mattress as back up. It just might just be that one says "WOW! I can actually sleep! Revolutionary." and the other thinks "wouldn't the floor be softer?"

Yes, Mark and I are fully on the opposite side on the cushiness factor. I had no idea!
 
To be fair, I wasn't the only one blindsided by my spouses bedtime oddities (yes, I can call wanting to sleep on a brick an oddity). He was fully unprepared for my wacky sleep talking/moving/dreams when sick.

That one came to light much sooner in our marriage. A few weeks in, and I was sick sick sick. We went to the ER, found out I would survive, was given a hefty bill (it was the day before our insurance kicked in), and we were sent along our on our sniffling un-merry way. That night, after tucking his sick wife to bed and dutifully snuggling her, Mark woke up to my tears.

The blasted blankets, which had appr. 1000 different comfort settings in my dream, had gotten tangled around me. I bawled and bawled "The Blankets! They're SOOOOOO complicated!" How I regretted getting the Delux 1000 Comfort Setting blanket set. He untangled me, soothed me back to sleep and later we laughed (over everything but the ER bill).

Then there is snuggling. Given that I had a mortal fear of people touching my underarms, and a total awkward response to hugs, I assumed I would not be a snuggler. Since we knew that one of Mark's biggest love languages was touch, we thought he would be.

Turns out, there is a MAJOR difference between wake and sleeping snuggling. Mark, as we suspected, is a snuggler. Until it is time for the zzzzs then he is ready to be on his brick as far away from people as he can get. Antarctica would do it. I on the other hand, want to fall asleep snuggling, and often stay that way. I do struggle to find the ambition to snuggle for times other then movies and sleeping. Thankfully this was quickly found out, and we have largely resolved the issues surrounding snuggles.

Next comes blankets. Why don't they discuss blankets in premarital counseling? This is a REAL DEAL FOLKS. Blankets are important.

As a fall-asleep snuggler there is nothing I find more disappointing than getting ready to fall asleep just to discover my very nice to snuggle hubby is ON TOP OF THE BLANKETS and I am underneath them. This makes snuggling hard. Now, while I will call wanting to sleep on a brick an oddity, I will say this is purely preference. However, I find it tragic. For me there is no way to sleep above blankets, while he sees them only as a means of being warm when it is cold. *sigh*

Last but not least, noise. White noise? Or No white noise? Mark finds the rhythmic sound of fans and whatnot relaxing and helps him go to sleep. For me rhythmic means I should be counting. "1-ee-and-ee 2-ee-and-ee 3-ee-and-ee 4-ee-and-ee." Even if I am not playing the piano evenly spaced sounds, means my brain is counting to the "metronome".

That about covers it, beyond the typical flopper vs. still and blanket thief vs. the one who is cold. The two we have heard about, and yet largely have not had to deal with. (I think. Mark might say differently.)

To refresh I am a major blanket + spouse snugger + the occasional kid or two snugger + a few pillows snuggler all night long. It must be quiet, the bed should be SOFT. If I am sick I will talk in my sleep and have really bizarre dreams, but thankfully that isn't too often.

Mark, likes white noise, uses blankets for warmth only, doesn't want to be touched, and prefers the softness of a brick.

Namely, we are opposite.

For better or worse? We meant it (even if we didn't use that wording exactly). We are committed to making this work. But still... it would have been nice to be a little more prepared.

Those who teach premarital counseling take note:

• Do you prefer soft or firm mattresses?
• What is your opinion on blankets? 
• Do you find rhythmic white noise relaxing or do you sit there counting afraid you will disappoint your piano teacher again with your lack of rhythm? 
• Should you prepare your future spouse for the potential of having bizarre sick dreams and are prone to cry over being tangled in blanket?

These are important discussion points. 

2922 Days

Today is the 2922th day of our marriage. More commonly known as 8 years. It has been a roller coaster of a time. Six jobs, six houses, three states, and three kids. It has not been a boring time. I'm not sure what if any over arching theme there has been to this, but I do know that both of us are significantly more mature on this side of those 8 years than on the other.

There were plenty of days where one or both of us were about done with it all. Like the time our oldest spilled a gallon of sorghum on the carpet. Or one of the two times I got laid off. Or the ONE time Debra and I had a fight... or several. Or the time we spent our last couple dollars on a quart of ice cream, or tried to, but were short.

But through it all we persevered. Not always happily, but we did. I certainly wouldn't say that our lives are perfect now, but given all that we have been through it would be a bit silly to give up now. We don't always like each other, but we love each other more than ever. I am looking forward to the next 8 years with this lady, though I hope they are a little easier than the last.

Marriage is not easy. It is often not pleasant. However, there is not much in this world that is more rewarding.

Being an Awesome Friend

When I was a kid there were kids that I met that I thought were sooo cool. I wanted to be friends with them so badly. They had the latest gaming systems, the nicest bikes, the coolest action figures. They were the friends to have.

Something happened though that made me rethink that concept. I got the coolest friend. He had all the game systems. He had a big fridge that was full of soda and Gatorade all the time. He had tons of awesome toys. He was the epitome of cool. But, there was a downside. He was a nice enough guy, but I was really his friend and not the other way around. He wasn't mean or anything, but he never once invited me over or to go to something with him. It was all me. We were friends for a few years, but into high school I realized that the relationship was almost completely one sided and I stopped trying.

Since then I have had friends, really good friends, who didn't have much of anything cool. They didn't have money, or fancy toys. They didn't go to cool concerts or amusement parks. They were "uncool". However, they had one thing that made up for all that. They cared.

I had a friend (we still are friends, but I moved away) who fit that definition. He lived in a little one bedroom apartment. He didn't have a ton of cool stuff. He drove an ancient Mercedes that looked like it was one pothole away from falling apart. He didn't wear the coolest clothes. The one thing he did have though was he cared. We hung out two or three times a week. Sometimes more. When he was going to go do something cool, he'd call me to come along. When I needed help he'd be the first one there. Often he was there when I realized I needed help in the first place.

He didn't always have answers when I needed them, he couldn't always help. But he would try, and he would listen. Despite never taking me on a trip, or giving me amazing presents, or getting me connected to the high and mighty, he was the best friend I've ever had.

So don't make friends because they are rich or powerful. Make friends because they will be good friends. Life is too short to waste your time on people who only put up with you.

Raising an Astronaut

My five year old wants to be an astronaut. I'm not sure how long vocational phases usually last in little kids, but this one is rather persistent. It has been at least six months since she first fixated on it, and while it isn't the only thing she talks about, it is a top contender and has beaten out princesses and horses.

Her favorite planet is Saturn because of its rings.



She regularly asks to watch videos about space and being an astronaut. I have to say it is a fun project to learn about her interest.

Unfortunately I don't put as much time or effort into encouraging her as I should. I certainly don't discourage it, but I would like to encourage all my kids in their interests and help them fulfill their dreams and desires. I guess what I am saying is I haven't been very intentional about nurturing or even acknowledging their interests at times. I need to be better about it.

I should add it to my evening checklist.

Ideas for encouraging a young astronaut wannabe:

1. Getting pictures of planets and spacecraft to put up in their room
2. Watching videos about space/astronomy/astronauts/spacecraft
3. Get a coloring book or coloring pages for them to work with
4. Go to the air and space museum (we live too close to not)

Devine Provision - Friends are Awesome

I am writing today on a new (to me) laptop. It was given to me by a friend. It is nicer than my old laptop. On top of it working, the sound is good enough to not need external speakers and it even has a blue ray player. Yay! Now I not having a computer won't be an excuse for missing a day!

My car was broken. It needs new tires still, but I am on that. It had a bad tie rod end and the steering was shaking super badly. It was pretty much unusable. Another friend diagnosed the problem and fixed it for me. I'm not sure how much it would have cost at a shop, but it certainly would have been more than the $35 dollars I spent on the new part. He had all the right tools and it was a pretty quick and straight forward fix.

I bought a lawn mower a few months back. It was a $45 craigslist find. I started it when I went to check it out and it started fine. However, when I got it home I discovered that while I could start it it wouldn't run for more than about 5 seconds. A third friend helped me tinker on it and get it running.

So first I have to say friends are the best. And friends that know how to fix stuff are most excellent. Second I want to say that G-d has blessed me with the best group of friends that I have ever had. And that isn't just because they fix my stuff and give me laptops. The economic benefit is certainly a big plus, but the social and emotional support that I enjoy is by far the most valuable. I have people to call when I am down. I have people to hang out with when I want to have fun. I have people that care about the actual answer to "how are you?" I have people who want to hang out with me and actually call ME.

For the first time as an adult the thought that maybe I want to settle down here has crossed my mind. It's a weird feeling.

The Missing Piece

Today I want to address the men in the audience. So ladies, you can read on, but the dudes are the main focus here today.


When G-d imagined you before you were born He put a set of skills and desires inside of you. In the structure of who you are is a G-d given reservoir of potential and purpose. He put it there because He wants you to use it.


Now, you can read the Bible and listen to lessons all day, but that isn't going to lay out the specifics of G-d's vision of what He wants you to do. It's a good foundation, and it is critical, but it only gets you part way.


G-d has a vision for how He wants to use you in the few short years we get on this earth. He has a vision for what He would like your family to be. He has a vision for what He wants to accomplish through your church. He has a vision for the work He wants to do in your community, state, and country.


He has the vision. He has given you tools, and He wants to give you more. There is just one little piece missing. One little piece that is preventing Him from putting all this together and moving in your life, family, church, and community in an overwhelming and powerful way.
What is that piece?


Well, it is actually pretty simple.


You have to talk to Him so He can tell you. You have an all-powerful, all-knowing being who really likes you and wants to include you in plans.


TAKE THE TIME TO LEARN HOW TO PRAY AND DO IT!


Do it by yourself. Do it with friends. Do it with your family. Do it with your church.
Prayer isn't hard, but it doesn't come naturally, and there aren't a lot of good examples for you to pick up on it through observation.


There are a ton of great books out there. I'm currently reading "Transforming Prayer" by Daniel Henderson if you want a specific good one. Find a friend to go through it with. Challenge each other. Aside from the gospel it will change you more than anything else.


Read the second half of 2 Chronicles 7. Under the new covenant we are G-d's temple. We need to humble our ourselves and seek G-d's face.

If you want to make a difference in your life and the lives of those around you start praying and don't stop.

Weakness vs Perspective

My memory sucks. It really fails me a lot more than I would like. I don't know how it stacks up to other people's, but I often feel quite limited by mine. I usually forget people's names about 0.5 seconds after they are introduced to me, and that isn't an exaggeration. I regularly fail to recall in conversation words and names that I normally know. In addition I do not pick up or remember salient facts in books and articles that I read. I might remember the general idea, but not the details. As such I would qualify my ability to remember as a weakness of mine.


As a weakness I can resign myself to just not remember things well. I can accept it and simply live my life underperforming in all the areas where a good memory would benefit me (such as every single area ever).


Or...


I can reframe my perspective on my underperforming memory. Instead of a weakness it is a motivator to document things well. To write down the things I know I will forget in order to be able to reference them later. Not only that, but if I record the information in a clear and appealing way I can share it with others so they can benefit and enjoy the information and perspective that I have collected.


I have done this since my first real job. I write a "how to do my job" document. It started because I asked my lead the same question three times and he got annoyed at me. I realized I needed to compensate. Since then I have done it in every position I've had. I organize things logically. I document everything I can. In the process I learn the stuff and I do eventually remember most of it.
Then, even if I forget, I have it all written down to reference and it has paid off more than once when I have had to train in a new person. The training has gone really quickly and smoothly because I can hand them a fully documented process and then just stand by to provide clarification and answer andy questions.


We all have weaknesses. Some are harder to overcome than others. However, I believe that if you try you can find a way that any weakness offers a different perspective that can be used as a benefit if not a strength.


P.S. My youngest spilled water all over my computer so... Yeah I missed a post and I don't know how consistent I will be able to be now. I can post from work, but I don't always have time to write. :(

The Pointless Struggle - Part 2

Per yesterday, my efforts are vanity, and do not meaningfully contribute to a fulfilling life. Does that mean that my life is pointless and I am doomed to eternal frustration? No, no it doesn't.

What it means is that I have to put my hope in G-d and my efforts into knowing Him more. As I have begun to do that I have noticed here and there that some of the things that I had been striving for just kind of sorted themselves out. Not from my striving and scheming, and sometimes without any effort on my part at all. I don't expect my life to become easier proportional to how well I'm serving G-d, but I am certainly getting less stressed.

I am far far far from where I should be and want to be, but as with anything I have to start where I am. So I am going to add a point to my intentional 2016 goal of blogging every day. I am going to spend a couple minutes praying every day too.

This life is not only finite but short. We need to take advantage of what time we have and make the best of it. Serve G-d even if it is tough. It's not for long, and I hear the after party is to die for.

The Pointless Struggle - Part 1

I have spent the last few years struggling. Struggling to provide for my family emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. Struggling to improve myself. Struggling to pursue my dreams.

All of these things were good. All of them were noble pursuits. However, in the words of Solomon it all is vanity. I had some success. Some progress was made. I didn't completely fail.

With each success I adjusted my sights to a new problem. A new issue. Over time my life has improved. My family is better cared for. I am doing more of what I want. But the need, the discomfort that I originally attributed to being in a difficult place in life hasn't gone away.

So while my life has improved I have become more fundamentally unhappy. Many of the things that I was chasing after have lost their luster. Despite their goodness they do not solve the issue that I thought I was fixing. I am more unhappy because on top of not fixing the problem I have had disappointment after disappointment.

I am not unhappy because my life is hard and imperfect, the hole is deeper than that. In fact some sin that I used to struggle with doesn't phase me in the slightest now. It is kind of amusing because I will get tempted and then realize that it is silly and just as shallow and useless as any of the productive things that I have tried.

My understanding of Ecclesiastes has really deepened. No matter what my efforts have been, diligence, laziness,sin, or virtue it is pointless. My efforts are all vain.

Building Beaurocracy vs Personal Responsibility

When something goes wrong there are three ways to address the problem. Well lots I guess, but there are three main themes that I see organizations (and people to some extent) follow. Below I list the three extremes.

1. The problem is ignored. An issue comes up and it is dealt with in the moment to some extent, but no action or thought is put into trying to avoid the issue in the future. This is bad because you can run into the same issue over and over and nothing improves.
2. The problem is blamed on a person. One individual is blamed (rightly or not) and all the of the responsibility for change is put on them (or they are simply removed). This isn't much different than ignoring the problem though. Because while the one person's performance may change so the problem doesn't resurface with them it easily could come up again with someone else.
3. The problem is blamed on the system. The processes or system is blamed and the people connected to the issue are more or less ignored. There are a lot of poor systems and this does address the problem in a more across the board manner. However, over time this leads to stifling bureaucracy. If a new rule is made every time someone somewhere messes up something you end up with overbearing stupid rules that over control every aspect of a process and stifle the life of the organization.

The best solution is a judicious use of options 2 and 3 combined. Sometimes problems arise that are systemic and require wide spread policy change. However, it needs to be demonstrated that it is in fact widespread. At the same time though it is important to balance that with an expectation of personal responsibility. Individuals make mistakes and do dumb things.

So by trying to keep localized problems local, and sparingly making across the board policies you can keep an organization from getting calcified in procedure. It does require a certain tolerance for failure and mistakes, but in the end it is better for everyone.

Trump's VP

Trump has announced that he is going to wait until the Republican National Convention to announce his VP pick. He has also said that he would not pick a democrat as his running mate. Now, I had previously predicted that he would pick Bernie Sanders to join him on the ticket so I might be wrong.

However, Sanders isn't a Democrat. He never has been. He's been an independent for his entire national political career. Waiting until that late would also allow plenty of time for Hillery to prove to everyone that she was going to win the Democrat nomination. So good old Bernie would be available.

I don't know, I am probably really wrong. However, nothing that Trump has said he plans to do contradicts it and he loves throwing curve balls like that. I really hope he doesn't in fact. But man, a Trump/Sanders ticket against a Clinton/Someone ticket would be sooooo interesting to watch.

Fear - Part 2

I wasn't going to write a part two of this one, but we watched a movie after I posted that really struck the point. Pleasantville, it's on Netflix.

The general idea was, without ruining too much of the movie, things started changing in Pleasantville and there was a lot of fear associated with it. There was pain and unpleasantvilleness too. But stepping out and embracing the change meant stepping into the fullness of what the world (G-d) had to offer.

The movie is not a perfect analogy. And I generally wouldn't have thought I would get some kind of spiritual confirmation out of a movie like that (if you watch it you'll understand), but G-d uses asses sometimes, and it really encouraged me that I needed to step out despite my fear. That my fears were largely justified. I will experience most if not all of those things I'm concerned about, but that the good that will come of it will far outweigh any hurt of difficulty.

So I don't have a big deep learning for you today, but I am encouraged that I can step out and experience a richer world than I am now and that G-d will carry me through.

Fear

I am feeling called to deepen my relationship with G-d. To put Him at a higher priority level than I have been. The theological imperative and value is obvious. However, actually while plainly simple is not easy.

I am hesitating. I have been getting poked quite a lot recently, and I am sure it is only a matter of time before I break through this wall that is holding me back. However, I need to better understand the resistance.

I am afraid. I am afraid that I might have to give up things that I have been striving for for years. Things that are important to me. Things that ostensibly are good, but that I have put in a higher place than my relationship with Him.

I am afraid that habits (of varying value) I have developed to help me relax/cope with life will have to go away or change. They are comfortable and I am afraid that my ability to cope will be negatively affected if I have to give them up.

I am afraid that my efforts to pursue Him will fail. That I will decide to go after Him and I won't stay consistent. That I will blow it off like I have so many times before. That this building force of conviction will be wasted on me.

I am afraid that He will tell me to do things that will be uncomfortable. Scary. Painful. I am afraid that I will fail. That I will screw things up. That my fear will get in the way of stepping out the way I know I will be asked to.

I am afraid that I will be forced to confront unpleasant parts of the world and reality that I have been able to ignore and avoid.

I will overcome this fear. I have to. The only alternative is to give up and trudge through the rest of my life wishing it had some meaning.

2 Timothy 1:7

It's Just a LIttle Better

I've begun to notice a pattern recently. High performance people, machines, and processes all operate using different scaling than your average person/machine/process.

Your average person manages their time in hours if they even really think about it. High performance people from what I have seen however, manage their time in minutes.

Cheap plasticrap consumer products have tolerances measured in thousandths of an inch compared to some parts of fighter jets that have tolerances measured in microns (millionths of an inch).

Processes that have been allowed to bloat and float along can be measured in months or even years. Processes that have been honed and automated can take microseconds.

This is all rather obvious. We all know that top performers squeeze all the performance they can out of everything. What I am beginning to suspect in all this though is that the difference between top performance and average is not that big. At least not at first.

Let's take Bob and Jim. They are salesmen at ACME Widget Corp. Bob isn't lazy, but he's not a huge go getter either. Jim isn't much different than Bob, but he does have try to put a little more oomph into his work. For the first few years of their careers Bob and Jim look just about interchangeable. Jim's sales are a little higher, just a few percent. Over time though Jim improves his call cycle times. Not dramatically, but he makes 45 calls a day to Bob's 40.

Jim also works on his pitch and bearing so he starts closing more sales. 22% compared to Bob's 20%. Jim also learns the options a little better and so he upsells a little more than Bob. All the differences are small. Just a few percentage points. But at the end of the year the boss looks at their sales figures to see who to promote and finds that Jim sold more than 35% more than Bob. Jim gets the promotion.

A few percent here and there add up really quick. Life isn't linear. Small improvements stack and stack and often lead to huge jumps. So spending that fifteen minutes goofing off on your phone isn't important, but that fifteen minutes three times a day for ten years could have been a promotion. Buying that coffee doesn't matter, but buying several a week for ten years might have been that boat you always wanted.

So sweat the small stuff. That's where high performance hides. Your big break isn't coming, you have to build it.

Revelation 14:19-20

I have been a Christian for a long time. So it is rare that I change theological stances on things. It happens, just not frequently. I like to think I have everything figured out, but I know that isn't the case.

Anyway, Sunday I had a shift in my opinion on a topic. It isn't a point of salvation or anything so I won't argue too hard with anybody on it, but it did prove to be interesting... At least to me.

A friend came over for dinner and noticed my collection of the "Left Behind Series" on my shelf. I mentioned I liked it despite my objections to some of the underlying theology. That sparked a conversation and one thing led to another and BAM my theology changed.

Ok, that wasn't helpful. I guess I'll explain what happened. I have never been a fan of the pre-tribulation rapture idea. I mean, I like the idea of the Church avoiding all the uncomfortableness that is the end times, but based on what I know about G-d's way of doing things He doesn't seem to go out of the way to keep us out of unpleasantness (for His purposes of course). Also, the scriptural basis for a rapture let alone a secret one pre-tribulation seemed weak.

So to classify my position before this conversation I was generally a rapture agnostic. I brought up Matthew 24:37-44. It gets trotted out basically any time the rapture is discussed. However, Luke 17:27-37 has the same discussion and adds one little bit of information on the end that kind of throws a wrench in the whole "the taken one got raptured" idea. Luke 17:37 says:

And they said to him, “Where, Lord?” He said to them, “Where the corpse is, there the vultures will gather.”

The disciples ask where these old blokes got off to and Jesus says they are d-e-d dead. So maybe the rapture will result in all Christians dying of a heart attack, but I kinda doubt that.

The conversation moved on to the 1000 year reign and such and the thought occured to me that there seemed to be a pretty strong correlation between the end times saga and the exodus. You have plagues followed by entering into a new more ideal land.

That got me thinking. What happened to the bad people in the exodus? Well, at the transition between captivity and freedom you have the Red Sea. The Red Sea where the Israelites walked through and the Egyptians walked through and got d-e-d dead. So... I immediately drew the comparison and it seemed to fit the Luke 17 verse from above.

Thus my theological stance of the rapture changed. I think that there will not be a rapture. The major transition that people see in scripture is the unfortunate, but necessary genocide of everyone who has rejected G-d (By G-d, and I am not advocating any kind of human on human violence here).

It is less appealing to our delicate sensitivities than a quiet disappearing and avoidance of coming unpleasantness. However, it lines with what I am increasingly seeing as a Exodus/Revelation parallel as well as fitting in with the concept of the separation of the wheat from the chaff.

I might be wrong, but I will think I am right until I don't.

Timely Communication When it Hurts

 

It's easy to read articles about leadership and communication and nod along with all the good advice. It is comfortable and empowering in a inactive kind of way. It's very different to experience the lack of that particular point in the 7 or 10 or 15 ways to be an awesome leader and truly see the results of that apathetic absorption from before.

Today my bit of learning involves not passing on information that is expected (by me) to result in an unpleasant conversation. It has happened several times in the past few weeks and I am beginning to notice a pattern.

1. I learn something.

2. I ignore it or at least fail to tell the other affected party(ies).

3. I finally tell them and it is unpleasant plus they are upset because I waited. Or it is not unpleasant, but they are still upset because I waited.

Being that I like avoiding compounding problems, despite evidence to the contrary, I really need to stop doing this.

So yeah, don't be like me. When you find out the conference you signed up for costs more than twice what you expected don't wait until the week of the conference to tell your wife. It isn't really a good way to build affection.

When you need to communicate something difficult just do it. Especially if it is time sensitive. It won't make it worse.

Listening

Usually when you hear about how to listen it is from the perspective of the listener. "Be a good listener by..." and the like. Well something happened recently and I was on the talker side and was listened to very well.

I was talking to a friend about a tough topic. I was doing my best to not be accusatory and critical, but by nature of the topic it was not a light conversation. He listened to me talk for about ten to fifteen minutes only adding his own two cents two or three times and then only in a couple sentences.

He didn't busy himself with his phone or fiddling with something or any number of other things he could have distracted himself with. He looked at me the whole time and nodded and showed he was engaged.

In the end he thanked me for sharing my thoughts with him. He didn't say much in disagreement or otherwise. He didn't even say he would change anything. However, I really felt like he listened to me. It would have been very easy to defend and excuse and interject and interrupt, but he didn't. Even at points where I know he would have been right.

I shared how I felt about the situation and he never came against my feelings or dismissed them even though they were somewhat incorrectly based. He just listened.

So in the end, despite misunderstanding the situation to some extent, and it generally not being something I had any control over I felt content and listened to. I was able to express myself without making him defensive and that, really, was most of what I was wanting. He did an admirable job. I know I do not listen like that most of the time and I hope that his example will help me be better in the future.