Bell Curve

I wrote this a while ago at a point where I was feeling this a lot. It is somewhat crude, but was a reflection of my emotions a the time and I think it is appropriate to leave it in.

Ok, so this is you. You are smart, talented, gifted, or in some other way exceptional. You don’t tell anyone because you don’t want to sound pretentious, and chances are they wouldn’t believe you or care anyway. But you look at the people around you and you know in your heart of hearts that you are different. Better. But not in a conceited prideful way. In a “I happened to get born on the good skinny end of the bell curve” way. You don’t think you are better than other people, you just know you are capable of doing more than they can. Even reading this makes you uncomfortable because you hate thinking it, but deep down you know with the right environment, resources, mentoring, or whatever you could be a damn good writer, dancer, coder, engineer, cook, mechanic, mathematician, or whatever. Life dealt you a off-suit 7-2 though, and you don’t have the rich parents, live in a good neighborhood, or have anyone who gives a shit. Even if you are lucky enough to have people who care enough to listen to your dreams, they don’t really understand, and they certainly can’t help you realize those dreams and ideas pestering you at the back of your mind.

And that… that is the foundation of your own personal hell. You go through life like a little cog. Doing the stuff that the people around you do. Always knowing though, that you can never be content. Never being happy in the world you are in. It’s hard to enjoy life because the idea of settling for a “normal” life, a life being “average”, will never be enough, and your dreams seem impossibly far away. You look at older people around you. The idea of their very existence is scary. The idea that you could become like them. That you could miss out on the potential that you know you have. Knowing that if you don’t do anything about this super power inside you it will eat you up and turn you into a bitter depressed old crust of a human. It is terrifying.

I understand, and you are not alone.