Fear of Agency

Have you ever seen someone who is really good at what they do and admired their excellence? Maybe a sports star, an actor, or a best selling author? I know I have. It isn't hard to do. Wow, just look at that amazingness! But then, have you followed that admiration with the thought "oh, I could never do that."? I know I have.

I've done that with less well known examples of excellence as well. The buff guy at the gym, the guy at work who does top tier work and really cares, the old couple at church who clearly have marriage figured out. These examples are also followed with "oh, I could never do that."

When we are confronted with someone who is living their lives like we dream we could live ours it is a dangerous moment for us. Those moments show that our dreams are not impossible. That there is a path to excellent fitness, for wise financial stewardship, for a strong marriage, for excellent parenting, for pursuing your dreams of being a whatever (artist, writer, insert new career). Realizing that though is dangerous because it means change. It is a tacit condemnation of your life up to this point because you have not been pursuing those things despite your ability to do so.

So we duck. We flinch. We see some obviously clear, yet completely made up, characteristic in "those people" that we do not possess and never can, that allowed them to succeed. That imaginary X factor allows us to revel in their success and be uninspired to try ourselves.

We are afraid that we might be able to do the thing ourselves. We are afraid that we actually have agency. The thing is though, that we do in fact have agency. There are always challenges. There are always difficulties. But the only thing that is standing in the way of starting down the path to your dreams is you. The real X factor for success is starting. Overcome the fear of change, the fear of possible failure, the guilt of lost time and wasted life.

You can start today. I can start today. When you look at that guy benching 250 pounds don't say "wow, I could never do that." Say, "wow, how can I get there?"