I get overwhelmed very easily. When I am not sleeping or feeling well, even little things can really rock my boat. Little tasks waiting my attention register as big red flashing lights, and blaring sirens, closing in on me.
Over the last few years I have gotten systems in place to help me cope. Not exactly intentional ones, in fact most of them I didn't even realize I was doing. Several of them are far from healthy.
In trying to be more intentional, I have tried to think more about what I am spending my time doing. Turns out I am watching a LOT of videos. When I am overwhelmed, I can turn on a video and am distracted. The insurmountable dishes because a dull activity my hands do as my mind is focused on a civil war drama, or master chef, or even how to make raw vegan food that is not gross. The last one is obviously important since I eat a raw vegan diet....
My strong dependence on this distraction was leading to missing out on several things. I can't enjoy the task at hand, or do it with others, if my sole goal is to avoid it (even while doing it).
This lead me to deciding to take a video fast (with a short break tonight as we were in the bathroom for 1.5 hours due to tornado warnings). I started the fast as a practical not spiritual one, which is why I don't mind sharing about it here. However, it has gone much deeper then that as I realized my dependence on this coping mechanism and how hard it has been to not use it.
Well... this post is fun for me. Onward...
Compared to a year ago, when I was feeling everything (but the love of God that is) very deeply I thought I was doing pretty well. Honestly, I don't think absorbing myself in media to prevent feeling is doing much better.
Now I want to say, I think there is nothing wrong with watching a show while doing a task, but it was very unhealthy for me and how I was doing it.
I want to be able to consciously rely on God not to rely on distractions from being overwhelmed. I want to be present for my family, emotionally and physically, instead of drowning myself in a way that I don't "need" to notice all going on and calling on my attention.
A little bit of other coping mechanisms, that are perhaps more beneficial would probably also be wise. The other day when the kitchen was making me nauseous, I listened to music and it calmed my senses down to the point of being able to enjoy the task at hand vs. feeling nauseous.
As for those red flashing lights, and sirens, I am just going to have to figure out how to hand them to God. Sufficient for the day is it's own trouble.
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