A Lesson I Haven't Learned Yet

Over the past few months I have begun to notice a lesson that I haven't learned yet coming up periodically. It is an odd feeling. The dawning realization that you are missing something. That you have been missing it for years, but that until now you didn't even realize there was something to missing.

Several times recently during "intense moments of fellowship" Debra and I have... how can I describe this... reached a meta level of conversation. Basically we realize we are arguing and shortcut the fight in one way or another. When it happens it is refreshing? Exciting? I'm not sure what emotion I would attach to it, but it is nice. I guess it is the realization that we are not bound to continue along a certain path. That we have the ability to interrupt "fate" or emotional momentum and end a negatively focused conversation. Or maybe co-opt it into a positive one.

I have noticed two different ways that it happens.

1. It is over something stupid and we jokingly decide to fight about it. For example, Debra left her wet towel on the bed and I was fussing at her (grrrr) and then Debra grrr's back at me and then she'll say "Oh I know, let's fight about it!". We laugh and drop the subject. Because it really doesn't matter.
2. It isn't something stupid, but one or both of us are being grumpy. So today in fact we were driving and talking about future plans and desires. Debra got upset because I wasn't listening to her very well and was hogging the conversation. I stopped and apologized realizing that I was anxious about the topic and over-talking because of it.

I don't know how well or quickly I am  learning this lesson, but at least now I realize it is a thing. It's kinda cool. It's also kinda annoying that I've been married just shy of 8 years and am just now realizing we can control our conversations, be adults and shortcut more unpleasantness.