I have been reading about the Women's Day protests and the "Day Without a Woman" strike. It has gotten me thinking about the idea of careers as it relates to gender. The feminist movement has fought for years for women to be able to have careers and to be treated equally in the workplace. Equal treatment is important, and valuable. It begs the question that I don't hear asked often, being: why do women, and conversely why do men, have careers?
Before I get into the gender discussion it first comes down to single people vs married people. Single people MUST have careers because if they don't they end up kind of hungry. So for single people of both genders having a job is generally a good idea.
For married people it gets a little more complex (maybe). If the total income from a single partner's job in not sufficient for the maintenance of a family then both need to work. In this case it goes back to the need to eat. For families that have the ability (which is a blessing to be sure) to rely on a single income what is the point of the second income?
Let's ignore gender for a moment. Income 1 is necessary because eating. Income 2 is not necessary. So why? Well, if there are no kids in the picture income 2 might simply be a question of "I'm bored and need something to do". If there are kids then it becomes more questionable.
Ok, to quickly recap, if you are single, married with no kids, or married with kids and requiring a second income to eat, the reason for job/career is simple. Food. If you have enough income from a single parent and the other is free to make a choice and the choice is career it begs the question why?
Now that I think about it though I'm going to bring single people back into the discussion. Why what is the point of a career (over having a family for single people) for singles and for optional career spouses? Jobs don't have inherent value. You live, you work, you die. The organization you sweated for has no inherent meaning. Relationships is where meaning is found.
So really, to kind of shortcut all that I already wrote, you work to eat. You live to have relationships. If you give up relationships (and family) to work you are wasting your life. So women (and men) shouldn't rush into the workforce for the sake of career alone. There is no meaning there. Relationships with your spouse, your kids, your friends, your G-d... those are where the value is at. That is what changes things.
So regardless of who you are. Single, married, man, woman. A career should only exist to facilitate the building of relationships. If it doesn't do that don't bother.
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Wading in the Present
It is easy for me to get distracted by a hundred different things that are not here and now. Politics, dreams, E-stop algorithms for AI. It is sometimes hard to be in the moment. Today I was walking from my car to my office and I walked slowly.
I listened to the chorus of cheerful birds singing.
I looked at the pretty clouds gliding overhead in the early morning light.
I took deep breaths of the cool infant spring air.
I felt the breeze mosey past.
I experienced the moment and it was good.
There are things that we can do to ground ourselves in the present. Things to help pull our heads out of the clouds (or our asses) and enjoy the moment. I think I will share more.
I listened to the chorus of cheerful birds singing.
I looked at the pretty clouds gliding overhead in the early morning light.
I took deep breaths of the cool infant spring air.
I felt the breeze mosey past.
I experienced the moment and it was good.
There are things that we can do to ground ourselves in the present. Things to help pull our heads out of the clouds (or our asses) and enjoy the moment. I think I will share more.
Monday, March 6, 2017
Multiculturalism Revisited
Let's start with trust. When two people are interacting and they trust each other they are able to have a productive and enjoyable interaction. When there is a lack of trust though, they must move more slowly, feeling they're way carefully until they are able to build the trust necessary to engage effectively. This can take a lot of time and effort.
As we go about our days we engage with many different people. Some we know and some we don't. For the people we know we have an idea of how much we can trust them from previous interactions. That is pretty straight forward. For the people we do not know it gets complicated.
How do we evaluate interaction risk if we do not know a person? We use heuristics. Heuristics is a fancy word for pattern recognition. When we look at a new person we compare them, using all available senses, to patterns (people types) we are familiar with. The more positively familiar they are the more we trust them and the fewer guards we put up in our interaction.
Why does this matter? Well, when an area (town, city, etc.) is populated with people who are identifiable as members of a generally trusted group things move relatively smoothly. Trust is high and good things happen. Alternatively, when there is a lot of unfamiliarity, and therefore distrust, things get cold, guarded, and generally less open.
To make this all a little more practical, a major builder of trust is when you meet someone who has the same cultural values as you. If a town is filled with people who share a common set of cultural norms the collective trust will be high. This is because people know what to expect from each other. This will be strengthened because the people within that culture will generally dress and behave in predictable ways which will help others identify these predictable behaviors.
Ok, so what happens when you have a city that has a very diverse cultural landscape? Well, the more cultural groups present the harder it is for any individual to be familiar enough with them to have an attitude of trust. Therefore it makes the entire city's social interaction to be less inviting or friendly. Guards go up because of the perceived risk.
Does this seem to be the case in real life? Well, in a survey searching for the friendliest cities in the world the top three are Burlington Vermont (1), New Orleans Louisiana (2), and Jackson Wyoming (3).
Burlington Vermont has a population of 42,000 people, and is almost 90% white. Being a small, rural, and ethnically homogeneous city it is very culturally homogeneous. So for Burlingtonites it is easy to welcome anyone with open arms. They are used to being able to trust everyone around them.
New Orleans Louisiana might seem like it breaks the pattern here. It is a lot bigger at 340,000 people and racially it is 60% black, 33% white, and 7% a bunch of other races. That doesn't look homogeneous. Well, that is true. It is racially diverse. However, racial diversity is not the same as cultural diversity. New Orleans has a very distinct and unique culture that sets it apart as unique. That strong local culture encompasses all the racial elements making it a friendly place.
Jackson Wyoming is a differently located mirror of Burlington. It's population is even lower at a hair south of 10,000 people. Being 80% white and a rural ranching community solidifies the cultural consistency. Further more being so small you get to the point where friendships and family make a much smaller percentage of the population to be strangers than most other places.
Now to the unfriendliest cities, and I'll just clump them for brevity because the coincidentally share characteristics. Oakland California (28), Tijuana Mexico (29), and Newark New Jersey (30). All three have very racially diverse populations with the largest demographic group barely breaking 50%. While racial diversity does not necessarily translate into cultural diversity in these cases it does.
Without getting into it in detail here there crime rates follow a similar pattern (New Orleans being a notable exception). The demographics of the safest communities in the country point clearly to cultural homogeneity.
Without making any value judgements of any culture, good or bad, I think it is clear from the data that cultural diversity is not good for anyone. Does that mean that I don't like outsiders and we should stop all those ferners from coming over here? No, not at all. However, it does mean that we should select people to come here who already share some aspects of our culture and who are willing to adapt to and accept the culture they are moving into.
As we go about our days we engage with many different people. Some we know and some we don't. For the people we know we have an idea of how much we can trust them from previous interactions. That is pretty straight forward. For the people we do not know it gets complicated.
How do we evaluate interaction risk if we do not know a person? We use heuristics. Heuristics is a fancy word for pattern recognition. When we look at a new person we compare them, using all available senses, to patterns (people types) we are familiar with. The more positively familiar they are the more we trust them and the fewer guards we put up in our interaction.
Why does this matter? Well, when an area (town, city, etc.) is populated with people who are identifiable as members of a generally trusted group things move relatively smoothly. Trust is high and good things happen. Alternatively, when there is a lot of unfamiliarity, and therefore distrust, things get cold, guarded, and generally less open.
To make this all a little more practical, a major builder of trust is when you meet someone who has the same cultural values as you. If a town is filled with people who share a common set of cultural norms the collective trust will be high. This is because people know what to expect from each other. This will be strengthened because the people within that culture will generally dress and behave in predictable ways which will help others identify these predictable behaviors.
Ok, so what happens when you have a city that has a very diverse cultural landscape? Well, the more cultural groups present the harder it is for any individual to be familiar enough with them to have an attitude of trust. Therefore it makes the entire city's social interaction to be less inviting or friendly. Guards go up because of the perceived risk.
Does this seem to be the case in real life? Well, in a survey searching for the friendliest cities in the world the top three are Burlington Vermont (1), New Orleans Louisiana (2), and Jackson Wyoming (3).
Burlington Vermont has a population of 42,000 people, and is almost 90% white. Being a small, rural, and ethnically homogeneous city it is very culturally homogeneous. So for Burlingtonites it is easy to welcome anyone with open arms. They are used to being able to trust everyone around them.
New Orleans Louisiana might seem like it breaks the pattern here. It is a lot bigger at 340,000 people and racially it is 60% black, 33% white, and 7% a bunch of other races. That doesn't look homogeneous. Well, that is true. It is racially diverse. However, racial diversity is not the same as cultural diversity. New Orleans has a very distinct and unique culture that sets it apart as unique. That strong local culture encompasses all the racial elements making it a friendly place.
Jackson Wyoming is a differently located mirror of Burlington. It's population is even lower at a hair south of 10,000 people. Being 80% white and a rural ranching community solidifies the cultural consistency. Further more being so small you get to the point where friendships and family make a much smaller percentage of the population to be strangers than most other places.
Now to the unfriendliest cities, and I'll just clump them for brevity because the coincidentally share characteristics. Oakland California (28), Tijuana Mexico (29), and Newark New Jersey (30). All three have very racially diverse populations with the largest demographic group barely breaking 50%. While racial diversity does not necessarily translate into cultural diversity in these cases it does.
Without getting into it in detail here there crime rates follow a similar pattern (New Orleans being a notable exception). The demographics of the safest communities in the country point clearly to cultural homogeneity.
Without making any value judgements of any culture, good or bad, I think it is clear from the data that cultural diversity is not good for anyone. Does that mean that I don't like outsiders and we should stop all those ferners from coming over here? No, not at all. However, it does mean that we should select people to come here who already share some aspects of our culture and who are willing to adapt to and accept the culture they are moving into.
Monday, January 16, 2017
Assumptions
Assumptions, you annoy me.
No seriously, go away.
I did come to a realization the other day though, I am not responsible if people make assumptions about me. I tend to take them as my fault "this is what I have led people to believe..." but I am no longer carrying that. I tend to go back and forth between oversharing, and being extremely quiet. But, I don't pretend to have it all together. I have done that in the past, and I am so freakin' over that.
So, if people make assumptions about me and I am not intentionally putting up a front, it's not my fault. Only in very rare circumstances will I share if my kids did something that frustrated me or if I was mad at Mark. (I far more readily share if I made a mistake, as I feel that is my story I can share) I might mention there was a fight, but that is about it unless it is very private and with a close friend. Or, I am not acting on my convictions that day, which happens far too frequently.
This seems to have lead to a lot of "you have the perfect marriage" etc. I have an awesome marriage (*cough* now) but it is far from perfect and I have no objection with sharing about our struggles in a constructive manner.
To be fair, there are quite a few things I do that lends itself lovely to assumptions. I did a super restrictive crunchy diet with my daughter. I was homeschooled, and I (currently at least) homeschool. I enjoy the occasional craft with my kids, and tend to post about them. That is actually one of the many reasons I am taking a break from social media. If I share my best moments, cause they were fun, that's not really a good reflection of my life. If I share my worse moments, as made popular by the "keep it real" movement, then that isn't really a good reflection of my life either. Social media can only see a snippet and worse or best, it is not reflective.
Note: Please know this is why I am taking a break from social media. Emphasis on it being my own personal decision.
Also, I have made more than my share of assumptions about others and it bit me in the butt. I have been a fool more times than I care to count "Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions."
Across the board, made about me, or me making it about others I have learned there is nothing redeemable about assumptions.
So, seriously, assumptions. Go away.
No seriously, go away.
I did come to a realization the other day though, I am not responsible if people make assumptions about me. I tend to take them as my fault "this is what I have led people to believe..." but I am no longer carrying that. I tend to go back and forth between oversharing, and being extremely quiet. But, I don't pretend to have it all together. I have done that in the past, and I am so freakin' over that.
So, if people make assumptions about me and I am not intentionally putting up a front, it's not my fault. Only in very rare circumstances will I share if my kids did something that frustrated me or if I was mad at Mark. (I far more readily share if I made a mistake, as I feel that is my story I can share) I might mention there was a fight, but that is about it unless it is very private and with a close friend. Or, I am not acting on my convictions that day, which happens far too frequently.
This seems to have lead to a lot of "you have the perfect marriage" etc. I have an awesome marriage (*cough* now) but it is far from perfect and I have no objection with sharing about our struggles in a constructive manner.
To be fair, there are quite a few things I do that lends itself lovely to assumptions. I did a super restrictive crunchy diet with my daughter. I was homeschooled, and I (currently at least) homeschool. I enjoy the occasional craft with my kids, and tend to post about them. That is actually one of the many reasons I am taking a break from social media. If I share my best moments, cause they were fun, that's not really a good reflection of my life. If I share my worse moments, as made popular by the "keep it real" movement, then that isn't really a good reflection of my life either. Social media can only see a snippet and worse or best, it is not reflective.
Note: Please know this is why I am taking a break from social media. Emphasis on it being my own personal decision.
Also, I have made more than my share of assumptions about others and it bit me in the butt. I have been a fool more times than I care to count "Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions."
Across the board, made about me, or me making it about others I have learned there is nothing redeemable about assumptions.
So, seriously, assumptions. Go away.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
God Family
"Some days my heart gets so distressed. It gets too full, and then I am mean to my brother and sister. I don't like those days."
Oh, sweet Natalia, I can understand every word you are saying.
"Other times, I just do it (be mean) to the pillows.... I like those days more."
Feeling fully inadequate, but still being the parent in the conversation, we talked about how maybe it would be better to give the fullness of a distressed heart to God instead of squeezing, stepping on, (two things she assured she would NEVER do to her siblings) or hitting pillows or her siblings.
She agreed, that was a good idea. Actually, she thought it'd be nice if she could just pray to God and "he could just take away all the bad from my heart".
We talked about how we are broken, and sinful, and in a sinful world. The sin likes to come back. But, God tells us we should pray without ceasing. We can constantly ask for His help and His forgiveness.
We talked about my own anger, something she has seen more than I care to admit to. My frustration, my impatience, my yelling. All categorized so neatly by my gracious daughter as "yeah. Sometimes you make mistakes too."
We decided we were going to pray about our sinful heart and our quick anger, asking for God's help. Then thinking about little Val snuggling on my other side I asked if she wanted to pray too. The head nod was emphatic.
"God, please forgive my sin."
Now, let me tell you how huge those words are, up to this point Val has prayed to follow suite. She usually thanks God for everyone she can think of, a new exciting thing, and then sparkle wings. Cute, but when discussing God she generally says "THAT'S NOT TRUE!"
Here she was asking Him to forgive her. We talked about it, and Natalia piped in a bit of what it means to be a God girl (aka Christian that is a girl, her words). We talked about how Jesus died for us, that whoever believes in him "should not perish but have eternal life"
Did she believe? Yep.
We then went to wake up dad.
"God took away my sins, and I am a God girl!"
I translated because insanely excited three-year-old jabber and half asleep 30-year-old ears don't always mix well. He congratulated her and went back to sleep.
Natalia asked if Daddy was a God man and I a God women. Yep. She asked Christopher if he was a God boy. Of course, she already knew she and Val were God girls.
"That means we are a God family."
Oh, sweet Natalia, I can understand every word you are saying.
"Other times, I just do it (be mean) to the pillows.... I like those days more."
Feeling fully inadequate, but still being the parent in the conversation, we talked about how maybe it would be better to give the fullness of a distressed heart to God instead of squeezing, stepping on, (two things she assured she would NEVER do to her siblings) or hitting pillows or her siblings.
She agreed, that was a good idea. Actually, she thought it'd be nice if she could just pray to God and "he could just take away all the bad from my heart".
We talked about how we are broken, and sinful, and in a sinful world. The sin likes to come back. But, God tells us we should pray without ceasing. We can constantly ask for His help and His forgiveness.
We talked about my own anger, something she has seen more than I care to admit to. My frustration, my impatience, my yelling. All categorized so neatly by my gracious daughter as "yeah. Sometimes you make mistakes too."
We decided we were going to pray about our sinful heart and our quick anger, asking for God's help. Then thinking about little Val snuggling on my other side I asked if she wanted to pray too. The head nod was emphatic.
"God, please forgive my sin."
Now, let me tell you how huge those words are, up to this point Val has prayed to follow suite. She usually thanks God for everyone she can think of, a new exciting thing, and then sparkle wings. Cute, but when discussing God she generally says "THAT'S NOT TRUE!"
Here she was asking Him to forgive her. We talked about it, and Natalia piped in a bit of what it means to be a God girl (aka Christian that is a girl, her words). We talked about how Jesus died for us, that whoever believes in him "should not perish but have eternal life"
Did she believe? Yep.
We then went to wake up dad.
"God took away my sins, and I am a God girl!"
I translated because insanely excited three-year-old jabber and half asleep 30-year-old ears don't always mix well. He congratulated her and went back to sleep.
Natalia asked if Daddy was a God man and I a God women. Yep. She asked Christopher if he was a God boy. Of course, she already knew she and Val were God girls.
"That means we are a God family."
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Forgetting What I Look Like
One of my biggest desires for my life right now is to more readily accept my identity in Christ. I have struggled quite extensively (well, that is an understatement) in that regard.
Last year I realized beyond a shadow of a doubt I was attempting to take my identity in many other things. Through actions I was trying to mold myself into someone I could actually respect.
Since then I have intentionally been trying to pray more about God revealing to me, beyond surface knowledge who I am in him and my worth in him.
But lately, I've been weary of the struggle. I wish I didn't have to work through every little thing in my head and try and figure out how to not have to daily, hourly, minute by minute talk myself through the beliefs I have. I believe I am the beloved daughter of the king of king, not a *long list of stupid lies I have to routinely remind myself I don't actually believe*.
Still, it seemed like there has to be more. If I am accepting my identity in Christ, why do I have a panic attack about visiting with friends because I will somehow hurt them through my presence? Or get out right mad at God when he convicts me of my complete reluctance to ever initiate a hug (cause I wouldn't want to initiate someone having physical contact with me)? This is not who I am, so why am I living it?
Now, having an anxiety disorder means I can get panic attacks when I am startled. It's a hard trying to figure out where nature ends and the super natural begins when everything from believing a lie about yourself, that stresses me, and a loud noise, that I could care less about after the initial startle, makes it a challenge to breath. But, more often than not the attacks are rooted into trouble I borrow, and they're exhausting.
Anyway, back to the point: identity.
Today I was looking up verses about listening. One of the things I would love to be in my Christian walk is a "good listener" I have a long way to go in that regard and so was looking up verses. Beyond the one that I felt was applicable to the moment this one came up:
"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in the mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." James 1: 22-24
I hope I am not taking it out of context when I read it like I did. I believe I am a daughter of the king, I have heard this, and while I struggle to readily accept it I do indeed believe it. The simple belief of it has been a struggle until lately, and so I am grateful that I can without hesitancy type "I am the beloved, cherished, daughter of the king of king"
Reading that verse though, made me question if I was living it. It's so seemingly simplistic, I have heard I am the daughter. I have cried out to Him in utter despair three different times and asked "Who am I?" Strong, beautiful, and redeemed. I heard it, but do I live it?
So, for what it's worth I can say "I want to accept this". I am not about to tell God "I think you lied to me". I listened and I accept it even if I have to do it over and over again. To living it.
Maybe, it is time to act on it.
What does that look like? I am not entirely sure.
But, looking at God and saying "who am I?" and then ten minutes later feeling like I can't touch someone without "contaminating" them or whatever stupid lie I am struggling with that day... is not exactly what I believe God had in mind for my life.
So, maybe if I "do His word" and act out on being His beloved, cherished, chosen, redeemed daughter I won't have immediately forget (upon crying out to God "who am I?") what I look like.
Friday, January 13, 2017
In Which I Write and Ramble and Ramble Right
Well, hello there written word.
I had no idea how much I enjoyed writing little snippets on instagram or facebook via captions and statuses. I loved using a few words to share about my life, especially the impactful moments. Writing lite if you will.
Sadly, social media has been a bit of a crunch for me. A crippling level of social anxiety has ruled my actions for the last few years. It comes and goes, but basically, if I couldn't have it all together (at least pretend I did) I would hide away in my little shameful imperfection. If it involved being raw or open, I avoided it like the plague.
I'd get lonely, and Instagram and facebook helped with that. Especially if I was feeling particularly down and could share something happy/cool that I had done. Then I'd occasionally dump on some poor unsuspecting friend all the thoughts and adult-y feelings I have been holding in.
I am not saying social media didn't help the last few years, confirming there are life forms out there that don't need you to wipe their butt is a lovely feeling. That being said, it's impossible to know whether that benefit was worth it or not. I am learning to not analyze everything. It is what it is.
The fact of the matter is I misused social media, and I avoided close friendships. I am working on both of those things, and honestly, it sucks. It is hard, and I hate that. I hate that I have to wrestle with simple things and trying to decide if they are an acceptable action.
But, I digress...
I've decided to take a break from social media, but miss getting things out. So here I am visiting this little blog and enjoying written word. I am not sure it will be read written word, but simply having a time to write things out will be nice.
So, hi.
I plan to come here at least occasionally, and I guess I just felt like announcing/explaining that.
Now, I was actually going to write something of significance today but instead I will ramble and simply state "I will write cause I miss writing statuses"
How is that for my first post of 2017?
It is late. I ramble. Goodnight.
I had no idea how much I enjoyed writing little snippets on instagram or facebook via captions and statuses. I loved using a few words to share about my life, especially the impactful moments. Writing lite if you will.
Sadly, social media has been a bit of a crunch for me. A crippling level of social anxiety has ruled my actions for the last few years. It comes and goes, but basically, if I couldn't have it all together (at least pretend I did) I would hide away in my little shameful imperfection. If it involved being raw or open, I avoided it like the plague.
I'd get lonely, and Instagram and facebook helped with that. Especially if I was feeling particularly down and could share something happy/cool that I had done. Then I'd occasionally dump on some poor unsuspecting friend all the thoughts and adult-y feelings I have been holding in.
I am not saying social media didn't help the last few years, confirming there are life forms out there that don't need you to wipe their butt is a lovely feeling. That being said, it's impossible to know whether that benefit was worth it or not. I am learning to not analyze everything. It is what it is.
The fact of the matter is I misused social media, and I avoided close friendships. I am working on both of those things, and honestly, it sucks. It is hard, and I hate that. I hate that I have to wrestle with simple things and trying to decide if they are an acceptable action.
But, I digress...
I've decided to take a break from social media, but miss getting things out. So here I am visiting this little blog and enjoying written word. I am not sure it will be read written word, but simply having a time to write things out will be nice.
So, hi.
I plan to come here at least occasionally, and I guess I just felt like announcing/explaining that.
Now, I was actually going to write something of significance today but instead I will ramble and simply state "I will write cause I miss writing statuses"
How is that for my first post of 2017?
It is late. I ramble. Goodnight.
Sunday, January 1, 2017
Potential
I heard this on a radio show today: Your aspirations are your possibilities. It really struck me. What do you want to do? What do you think you can do?
Those are your limits. Many dreams are beyond reach. However, you don't hear many people wonder at becoming a renowned author when all they wanted to be was a gas station attendant.
Dream big. Try your hardest. Who knows where you will end up, but it is certainly farther than it would be otherwise.
Those are your limits. Many dreams are beyond reach. However, you don't hear many people wonder at becoming a renowned author when all they wanted to be was a gas station attendant.
Dream big. Try your hardest. Who knows where you will end up, but it is certainly farther than it would be otherwise.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)